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| THIS is what 'Castle Dracula' actually looks like. Lovely white walls. Nice roofing. How much can you buy this place for? |
I bring up Transylvania because the same thing happened with Amsterdam. I went in expecting a place filled with drugs and prostitution, yet was heartbroken when I had to leave the city. I was fuming going through UK Border control on the way back, scowling as a couple were stopped because they 'looked dutch' and walking past a trio of beefy security guards who seemed like they were looking for more people to stop and search.
Because Amsterdam is just so relaxed. The majority of people I met weren't actually from Holland, which is probably why Amsterdam is often called a melting pot of all nationalities. In some countries I've felt like a dumb tourist (every time I go to France everyone seems to look down at you), but either the locals really wanted my money or they just don't care who you are. You're in Amsterdam, so you must be welcome. This is also the first place where I've seen a gay couple holding hands in public and nothing was said about it. Even in Brighton you just couldn't do this.
Speaking of gay, the city was getting ready for Amsterdam pride, and clearly everyone was very excited about it. There were signs all over the city, rainbow flags being hung everywhere, squares with large stages erected, and I found an enormous billboard listing about thirty separate events taking place over the weekend. Sadly I missed all this (although I'm kind of glad because I imagine the city would've been packed) but it was so satisfying seeing pride as one of the years biggest events considering it's at best a fun little event elsewhere and at worse considered a criminal act that ends in violence.
The citizens of Amsterdam are the warmest, friendliest people I've ever met. Even in the busiest restaurants, or in the middle of a packed street, they find time to smile and joke. OK, so you might order a meal, have the waiter fumble about with drinks and sides, have to wait hours for the food to come, and then when it finally comes it's the wrong order - but the waiter will give you the biggest smile you've ever received and all annoyance will go away. You've just got to chill.
When I got out of the station, there was a clear road with a red pedestrian light. Because we in England have a noble tradition of jaywalking, I carried on regardless whilst the locals looked on in shock as I strolled across this empty road. At first I thought I'd broken a rule of etiquette, like farting in an elevator or calling a lift an elevator. As it turns out, the locals were gazing in awe at this brave yet foolish soul striding out into the open. Later, after almost getting smashed by a bicycle and a tram, I was just as paranoid as everyone else - waiting until the light turned green like a good little boy. Trams may be more environmentally friendly than buses, but their silence makes them deadly. Whilst the motorbikes in Amsterdam are downright kamikaze, at least you can hear them coming. By the end of my stay, I saw with my eyes rather than my ears. My senses were sharpened. Whenever I try to cross the road at home now, It's like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
The biggest problem are the bicycles. I don't get why there are so many bicycles in Amsterdam. Compared to London, Paris, and Berlin - Amsterdam is tiny. It's smaller than my hometown. My guidebook had a map, and I could walk from one end of the map to the other in the space of twenty minutes. When I was at university, it took me twenty-five minutes to walk to lecturers every day. Throw your bicycle into a canal. You don't need it.
Like the trams, they are silent. Unlike the trams, the rules of the road do not apply to them. In Amsterdam, a green light doesn't guarantee your safety. Bikes will still come sailing past, and I'm amazed I never ever saw an accident - let alone got caught up in one.
It's now time to get to the two elephants in the room: the coffee shops and the red light district.
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| This coffee shop isn't there anymore. |
Oh, and cannabis biscuits aren't that nice. In fact, cannabis itself is actually really underwhelming. I should know: I tried some.
The red light district was different. When researching places to go before our holiday, everywhere would say something along the lines of "just a stonethrow away from the red light district." It made me wonder two things: either the district is huge or the city is tiny. As previously established, the latter is correct.
When I first walked past a brothel, I thought the women behind the glass were mannequins until I looked closer. Rather than leaping back clutching my crucifix, this made me jump the same way one of those living statues do. The way the women remained stock-still disturbed me in an uncanny-valley sort of way (though, I did catch one on her iPhone). I was informed that apparently most of the women were happy to 'service' other women, yet I never saw any male prostitutes. I went through the fabled 'blue-light district' but all I saw there were ladies older than my mother and a woman I suspected was transgender.
This being said, I saw several families with young children walking through the district. There are houses in-between the brothels and clubs where people unaffiliated with the establishments actually live. The only people gawking at the women on display were tourists. Whilst I didn't traverse the district late at night, I navigated it a few times during the evening and felt perfectly safe. It's certainly not for me, but the district is small and not easy to accidentally stumble across. Once I got over the initial shock, the whole thing seemed just as underwhelming as the cannabis.
This is curious considering how the Holland government are actually beginning to phase out both the coffee shops and red light district. It's gradual, but according to locals the impact is already being felt. The reason why the government are doing this isn't because they've suddenly become uptight but rather because of idiot tourists like me. The rest of the world carries this reputation that Amsterdam is a place of debauchery and sin. I myself used to think that the night over there was thick with weed and naked women pretending to have dropped something.
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| All I thought when going past was: "I want some neon underwear." |
You know what is in abundance in Amsterdam? Argentinian steakhouses. Not just steakhouses: Argentinian steakhouses. I counted four down the street I was staying at. No, I didn't meet anyone from Argentina, and the staff in the steakhouses were dutch. If the bicycles confused me, then this made my brain hurt trying to figure out why there were so many of these places around a city in Holland. However, one night I went to an Argentinian resturant and had steak just to see what the fuss was about. and it was the best steak I've ever had in my life. By this point I'd completely fallen for the city.
I would happily pack up my stuff and move to Amsterdam if it weren't for two things: 1) housing is expensive and 2) like everywhere else in Europe, the healthcare is shit. The people of Holland take pride in their rehab-scheme, where if you consider yourself addicted to something then you walk into a rehab centre and immediately recieve treatment. This is much better than the NHS where you have to see about ten doctors and two specialists before you can finally be committed - but I think Holland only does this because with Dutch service it would take even longer if they did it by the book.
So I'm staying in England for fear of contracting a deadly death virus upon crossing the border. Sorry Amsterdam. You were great to visit however, and I would happily return.
Image Sources:
http://www.hubtotransylvania.com/tours-brasov/6-day-trip-Dracula-Tour.php
http://www.mcgill.ca/students/international/uva-0
http://www.forbes.com/sites/ceciliarodriguez/2013/11/21/marijuana-prohibition-closing-in-on-amsterdam/
http://www.theapricity.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-130949.html
http://www.amsterdam.info/
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