Hollywood

Donald Trump and his supporters, once Blechley Park's been able to decode what they all say, claim that Hollywood is a cesspool of detached elites. And this is the only time I'll ever agree with President Pussy.
England is trash. Unless you have a sexual lust for damp hills then there's nothing to see here except angry old people. But we know this. We're our own biggest joke. Irony is the only uniquely British virtue I respect, though the irony of irony is that no-one can define irony so therefore their irony is, ironically, ironic.

America doesn't posses this. It's the land of the free, home of the brave, the place where all your dreams come true. Except this is bullshit because it's the land of Trump. It's where white people invaded and stole all the wealth which they all held for themselves getting fat off-of other peoples land. And no more is this more apparent than in Hollywood.

Everyone wants to join the cult. Thousands upon thousands move to LA in the hope of being a minion. They end up in a smokey room, smelling like cheap perfume in the hope of 'making it.' Most end up homeless. Chasing the American dream with only the clothes on your back, only to run away possessing even less is the outcome everyone's familiar with yet the one you don't see on the big screen. Being a student of the arts means having one person yelling how special you are whilst another bellows how you'll die in a ditch. My fate is worse than a ditch.

Kool-Aid is always tastier than water. The elderly white gangsters who rule their domain guard selfishly. More than ever, they want minions rather than rulers. Disney owns YouTuber's, yet they don't give a shit about their talent so long as they profit from a talent who'll never rise to their rank. This attitude is present in their works also.

Take Beauty And The Beast. The idea is that it's exactly the same as the animated version, only instead of a trick of the mind that makes living artwork dance before our eyes - it has humans. Except it's obviously still animated because where the fuck do you get talking clocks from? So it's actually just another animated film wasting billions of dollars to be forgotten about in a years time.

All of Disney's live action films follow on from this. Let's just make the same films again except with less imagination and more money. Essentially, this is a billion dollar marketing campaign for an old movie - since now everyone will buy the original animated movie to wash their mouths from all the shit Disney's made them eat. This will do absolutely nothing to preserve Disney in the long-run, but knowing Hollywood they'll be yet another remake in a few years.

But you know this. So...why do you keep watching it? You fucking idiot.

The Hollywood status quo must not be broken. It's amazing how since the 80's Hollywood has dug it's heels in and refused to move despite the world being completely different. We have online streaming, message boards, blogging, and cyber-Nazis. Yet still we have opening weekends, cinemas, the same movies, the same studio monopoly, the same white people.

The Oscar's laugh at all the 'Oscar's so white' jokes instead of hanging their heads in shame. It is always the case that rich white people segregate black communities, yet when a black person finally gets the chance to stand up on the stage and mock the exclusive nature of white culture...it's the white people who laugh. This detachment nicely summarises Hollywood's disconnect.

The recent attempt to diversify The Academy is welcome, but it can only go so far. The Academy is just a group of Hollywood insiders who barely watch the films nominated - and the films only get nominated because they're screened in LA in December so the film a person nominates is most likely the last film they watched. Sub-par movies such as Birdman and La La Land perform well at the awards because they concern Hollywood. You're more likely to enjoy a film set in your hometown, after all.

How is a person who isn't a rich white American with attachments to the industry supposed to fit into all this? You can become a member of The Academy by winning an award, but to win an award you need to be nominated for one, and to be nominated you need to pander to The Academy. And to pander to The Academy you need to be a rich white American with attachments to the industry.

But The Academy is just one sect of the grand cult. The SS, if you will. What about Hollywood in general?

It's exactly the same principle. You need to be a rich white American with attachments to the industry. Except rather than pandering to middlebrow sensibilities, you need to pander to lowbrow sensibilities. This means making the exact same movie again and again. But every hero must be a straight white male. We may occasionally allow a female, but they must still be white and part of a pre-existing franchise because we're terrified that a female protagonist alone won't carry the movie.

Posters have started springing up for the Ghost In The Shell live-action movie. Again, this live-action remake only serves to remind us how incredible animation as an art-form is. It also stars Scarlet Joehansen. Who is white. Playing a role that was originally Asian. In exactly the same setting as the original. In makeup that makes her look Asian.

Hollywood's logic is that they needed a 'name' actress to carry the movie. We'll ignore the fact that Ghost In The Shell is one of the most beloved anime's of all time, which immediately proves this argument bullshit. Hollywood believes there are no noteworthy Asian actresses and thus the only person remaining is a white actress in horrific makeup.

And why are there no 'name' Asian actresses, Hollywood? Because you won't cast them. Why won't you cast them? Because there are no 'name' Asian actresses.

Everyone's talking about how Beauty and the Beast is the first Disney movie to feature an (openly) gay couple. They're two characters so minor the majority of news websites don't know their names. They don't kiss. They barely even hold hands. They just stand there in the background holding a big sign saying "WE'VE CURED XENOPHOBIA...except there are no black characters. Oops."

Why won't you make a film with a gay protagonist, Hollywood? Because people will be upset. Why will people be upset? Because there aren't any films with a gay protagonist. Why aren't there any films with a gay protagonist? Because people will be upset.

The cult stands strong as ever, it's doors impenetrable. The elite feed upon the blood of their younger minions so they can live forever. No matter what happens, they will remain encased at the top of the pyramid, existing forever. Forever.