The Lie That Is Bisexual Privillage

Some say that Bisexuality is a mere construct and that Bisexuals are liars who hide behind their identity for protection. Don't worry: those 'some' who say that will one day die and rid us of their idiocy. Until that day however, I feel I must step in.

It was actually whilst reading a biography about Freddie Mercury when I heard the word 'Bisexual' for the first time. The webpage out of nowhere casually added that Freddie was Bisexual. He slept with both men and women in his time, and enjoyed this lifestyle immensely. My immediate reaction was: "Wait, so one of the most well-known gay icons in the world was actually Bisexual? I suppose, listening to 'Fat Bottomed Girls,' it's kinda obvious..."

It's this revelation that made me realise the default way of thinking is that if someone has had relations with the same sex as them, or even merely shows interest in someone the same sex as them then they must be gay. We don't assume the person is either Bisexual or questioning - we go right for the gay.

It's also this revelation that made me realise I could be Bisexual. I'd just left an all-boys secondary school, and throughout that time I'd been attracted to several of my classmates (I only hope they're flattered rather than weirded out by this). But that didn't mean I was gay, right? My secondary school was also extremely homophobic, so any same-sex attraction was immediately shut out of my head. 'Gay' was something broken, wrong, easily mocked. It wasn't human, and it definitely wasn't something anyone in school was. 'Gay' was an insult, not an aspect of humanity.

So obviously I wasn't ready to fully embrace my sexuality. Thus: for about a year or so, I lived as a Bisexual man. I hardly told anyone because I didn't see a need to. I wasn't gay, and I wasn't straight. Being Bisexual really didn't bother me because I was a bit of both. In fact, it felt exciting. I could happily discuss women with friends whilst also eyeing up that guy in the other class. I could still be 'one of the lads' whilst also having this fabulous edge to my personality. Men were companions and an uncharted plain sizzling with masculinity. Women were both sexual and a point of identification which I felt incredibly comfortable around. They were close friends who I could share my mind and soul with whilst having an electric aura.

Turns out that was a lie. One day, the truth smacked me in the face like a Gestapo officer's glove: I was just gay. I really can't explain what happened, but the excitement was gone. My love towards women became platonic. It was a this point I also thought: "Right...I'm gonna have to tell my parents at some point. I can't just say 'no, I'm not gay' and conviniently forget to add: 'but I'm bi.'" 

Anyone who thinks this aspect of Bisexuality is a privillage has never lived in the closet. Yes, Bisexuals can just cover up or shut off part of their personality - but do you realise what that means? Shutting off a part of your personality? It's tantamount to lobotomy. No-one should be made to do that.

And I feel awful, because despite me repeatedly saying that Bisexuals aren't liars - I myself was a lying Bisexual once. It's possible that a very small number of bi people are actually gay. And if they're not actually Bisexual but just experimenting to decide which end of the kinsey scale they fall into then it's really none of your buisness.

Yes: I labelled myself too quickly. I was so relieved to be out of secondary school, so excited by this brand new aspect of my personality that I didn't really stop to think about it. But I'm the exception: not the norm. I'm the only lying Bisexual I've know. How can anyone call this a privillaged existence when Bisexual's are being constantly judged by other people. They can't leave their homes from the number of detectives in trench coats peering through their windows trying to deduce if they're either still not fully out of the closet or just experimenting - not considering that it's possible Bisexuals are perfectly comfortable with who they are. 

I never had a proper relationship as a Bisexual, but if I did then I would've suffered the same bullshit that Bisexuals have to face whenever they're in a relationship. If it's with the same gender then everyone'll say: "Oh, I guess you're gay now." If it's with the opposite sex then everyone'll either say: "Oh, I guess you're straight now" or: "It'll just end in tears."  In fact, no matter what sex a Bisexual dates, they'll be accused of cheating.

Think about the logic behind this. A hetero man is allowed to go "phwoar!" at cheerleaders before recieving a playful bat on the arm by his wife. Is he cheating? A hetero woman is allowed to look at musclebound underwear models whilst out shopping with her husband and sigh longingly. Is she cheating? In fact, the majority of women who watch male strippers are married. Are they cheating?

No! Of course not! My parents have been married for almost thirty years and they're in such a deep relationship that they've both essentially become asexual to everyone but themselves. It really doesn't matter what gender they're both attracted to because now they have each-other and that's all they need. Everything else is a vaccum.

If anything, I'm now in a privillaged position. I never run around announcing my sexuality, not because I don't think people should do that, but just because I'm annoyingly shy. I've never even attended a pride event, let alone marched in one (I've just...never had anyone to go with). Yet by simply flashing my rainbow-coloured gay card when necessary, I close the issue. I fall in love exclusively with men. I'm completely open minded when it comes to the type of man, but it's really simple stuff. No-one will ever doubt me, accuse me of lying/cheating, suggest I'm confused, or generally be confused themselves.

There's this inherent selfishness in being gay. Since we've had our rights opressed for thousands of years, and still could get stoned to death in certain countries, it's easy to assume that we're the ultimate victims and we're the most endangered minority out there. We quickly ignore the fact that it's 'LGBT' - not just 'G.' 

In fact, us gays really need to do more for other communities. Yes, we must still fight against our own oppression...but since we're already battling against intolerance then why don't we all band together. I'd argue that homosexuality wouldn't have been decriminalised in the 50's/60's if it wasn't for black rights activists such as Malcolm X siding with us. With refugees being shut out of the border and people of colour being targeted by authorities, it's vital that we remember we're only a minority if we remain apart. I'm proud of how we're starting to side with the Transgender community, but more needs to be done about sexism and, yes, anti-Muslim hatred. There's no point shunning them just because their religion says we're an abomination. Maybe if we stand in solidarity beside British Muslim's then we'll show them that we're human too - and if not then at least we're helping a vulerable group of people in a time of need. Either way we're making the world a better place. 

And I regret how Bisexuality is lumped into 'LGBT.' It's like we've just said: "oh yeah, you guys are cool too. Take your place behind us." I read books and online articles about the AIDS crisis and there's not a single mention of Bisexuals. "Oh yeah, those people exist too." There's also little to no talk of Lesbian's when you know that women can, did, and do get AIDS as well. But one issue at a time, Max. 

I've always thought that eventually society will stop using labels to define their sexuality. We're already part-way there with acknowleding there's a huge spectrum of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, demisexual, hexisexual, dodecohedralsexual, supercallafragilisticexpialidocioussexual, it goes on and on. Eventually, I suspect people will drop all this and just do their own thing without having to worry about societies perception. Once everyone around the world recognises that it's possible to fall in love with the same gender, and there's nothing unhealthy about it, then there will be no need for labels anymore. 

Sexuality is fluid, and this is the main reason why Bisexuals shouldn't be made to feel like liars: because a group of people acknowledging that love is gender-blind is the most progressive of us all. I often wish I was Bisexual again, since it's such a liberating thing to be so versatile. They see beauty in more people than we do. As an artist I celebrate beautiful things, and I wish I was able to see more and more beauty in people. In fact. I've always thought that the Bisexuals have it right and that it's all of us who are the liars.

Sadly, I'm not Bisexual. But having previously lived as one, I know that whilst there's this excitement to it - there is no privillage. There is. however, erasure - and that needs to stop now.