On Cannabis

There will be four key issues that eventually people will look back on and say: "Why were these issues again?" And the only answer will be: "Because people are stupid." These issues are: gender equality, race equality, LGBT equality, and marijuana.

There are many other important issues, and there are many issues more important that cannabis - but I really don't understand why it's not legal yet. The scientists say it's harmless. The economists say it'll benefit the economy. Everyone is calling for it's legalisation, yet still the government says: "La la la! Not listening!" It's just like how they refuse to listen to all the experts saying that austerity isn't working, everyone needs to completely change their stance on refugees, and perhaps we should stop giving weapons to Saudi Arabia when it's one of the wost human rights abusers on the planet.

Ignorance kills. How many people have died because, deprived of cannabis, they've resorted to idiotic things like feriliser and laughing gas? All these 'legal high' products are only legal because no-one thought anyone would try to take this stuff. Who would actually inhale laughing gas? Have you ever seen that bit in Little Shop Of Horrors? Why are people using The Joker's favourite weapon for recreational purposes? Because they don't have cannabis.

But the question is not 'why are these things legal?' the quesion is: 'why are these things legal when cannabis isn't?' Have you ever smoked marijuana? I have, and it's kids stuff. I walked a little slower but that's it. My eyes didn't spin wildly, I didn't think my family were insectoid birds, I didn't feel the need to antagonise a police officer. I only felt a bit like when you slump in a squashy chair after standing up for a while. I actually had a pen and paper by my side just in case I suddenly felt a burst of writerly inspiration, but there was nothing. World Of Warcraft had more of an effect on me than cannabis.

Unless you're on medication or have anything that might cause complications, you're perfectly safe. Whilst it's possible for you to overdose (though highly unlikely) you'll need to inhale 120,000 puffs to die from using it. Meanwhile, 13 shots of alcohol can kill you; as can 240 ml of caffeine. Heck, drinking six litres of water can kill you. Technically, water is more harmful to your health than marijuana. (Realistically, it's fine. Please don't stop drinking water.)

Yes, cannabis can cause brain damage, but only if you smoke it on a daily basis and it's not nearly as bad as the damage alcohol and Ritalin can cause. Aside from that, it's only side-effects include making people feel either really hungry or horny. Oh, and now we know that William Shakespeare smoked weed in his pipe. I guess the government doesn't want everyone to become the most famous writer in history.

Cannabis itself becomes healthier when it's legal. The pot you can get in an Amsterdam coffee shop is actually the best pot in the world because the police frequently perform unannounced checks on the goods being sold (and to check it's not being given to minors). If you've bought marijunana from an illegal dealer, chances are it's not 100% pure. The reports of people being hospitalised because of cannabis almost certainly smoked a joint that had cocaine and/or hairspray in it. And factories that make the cannabis you can buy in corner-shops are also frequently checked. Plus, more jobs will be created as the police will need a new sub-division to inspect establishments selling cannabis. You can call them the 'pot police' if you like.

Legalising marijuana is the most effective way to stop these 'legal highs' because it'll make them redundant. Why sniff spray-paint when you can go down the street and pick up a sachet of the thing you're trying to hopelessly imitate? Imagine if the government banned chocolate, so everyone started eating gravel to simulate it's effects. Don't ban gravel - give everyone the chocolate back and they'll leave the gravel alone. Yes, chocolate can hurt you...but no where near as much as gravel can.

"But what about people becoming addicted?" Firstly, cannabis addiction won't hospitalise people. It won't put an extra strain on A&E clinics. The only thing it may put a strain on is rehab clinics. But the NHS needs to completely restructure it's system anyway, considering how by the time a patient goes through all the paperwork and processess needed to commit themselves to a rehab clinic...it's probably too late. This is already an issue that has yet to be adressed, but the government has decided to put it at the bottom of their in-trays and hope it'll go away - just like their stance on climate change, transgender rights, and the everyday struggles of 99% of the population.

Speaking of things being ignored, the UK's prison system is already overcrowded enough due to (you guessed it) government cuts. Young people are being locked up aside sex offenders for posessing cannabis, ruining their lives over something so trivial. Legalising cannabis and striking previous convicts from the record might not completely empty prisons, but it'll be a huge help. The police won't be arresting as many people, prisons won't have to guard as many people, and more people will be able to get back into jobs.

I'm shocked that Mr Put-On-This-Earth-Because-Humanity-Messed-Up-In-Another-Life George Osbourne hasn't seen how much money he can gain from marijuana. The Neverlands Government earns an estimated 400 million euros a year (probably more) from the taxes imposed on cannabis, and it also earns money by loaning it's prisons out because their crime is so low. Not only would this money cover the costs it'll take to set up a pot-regulation system, but think of how many estates in the country Osbourne could buy with that much money raised. Or maybe he could actually pump this money back into the economy and make peoples lives better like politicians are supposed to do. But there I go on another one of my dreamy tangents...

So legalising marijuana will result in less death, less crime, a happier populous, a healthier populous, more jobs, and it might even solve England's debt. So why is it almost certain the Conservatives will never even consider doing this? I could say it's because they're determined to keep every non-millionaire as miserable as possible, but it's more complicated than that.

People think marijuana and they think the hilariously awful Reefer Madness - a public service film from the 1930's designed to warn everyone of the soul-sucking horror that is cannabis. I actually reccomend watching it (it's public domain, so it's free on YouTube) just to laugh at how scientifically incorrect and melodramatic it is. The film seems to think that cannabis makes you a hyperactive, emaciated shell of a human being.

All I can say in response to all this is that in the 1950's there was an American public service film called Boys Beware warning children about homosexuals. It painted gay people as elderly perverts who had a "disease of the mind." Over 50 years later, gay marriage was legalised across the United States. We all know that Boys Beware is wrong in every way possible, so why do some people still think that Reefer Madness got it right?

LSD causes incurable insanity, cocaine makes you hyperactive, and crystal meth turns you into an emaciated shell. These are the drugs that can kill you. Cannabis is nought but a herb.

Another reason is that many see it as antisocial. True, the smell of weed isn't the most pleasant in the world - but the UK's smoking laws could easily apply to marijuana also. Just because you legalise it doesn't mean you can't ban it in public places like tobacco. Even in Amsterdam there are several designated 'no-smoking' areas dotted around. We also don't have to introduce coffee shops, and we don't have to make it available to tourists. In fact, I can see UKIP proposing that immigrants are banned from purchasing cannabis.

Speaking of UKIP, we already have very strict security on our borders. Police are already searching people for marijuana, so trafficking isn't going to increase. 'Weed tourism' definitely won't become a thing as countries where it's legal make it very clear that you can't take any of it back with you. Legalising cannabis here won't put pressure on other countries border patrols either - and since when has the UK ever cared about other countries anyway? We still have yet to pay India back for all the wealth we took from them.

Actually, I take back my previous comment. The government does want to keep every non-millionaire as miserable as possible. That's the only logical explanation I can think of for why cannabis isn't legal yet.

Image Sources: 
http://clear-uk.org/news/archive/2015/03/10/
http://themetapicture.com/safer/
http://www.pow420.com/tags/no_one_belongs_in_jail_for_a_plant?page=38
http://www.amazon.com/Reefer-Madness-Anniversary-Ultimate-Collectors/dp/B0031I4UMC
http://herald-review.com/blogs/decaturade/millikin-s-reefer-madness-returns-at-the-avon/article_44b77efa-a849-11e2-9e45-001a4bcf887a.html